Lazy to do good.

Lazy to do good. That’s how I found my heart today. And that’s not me trying to put on some sort of false humility.

More than once on this Thursday I thought of it: a practical way to love someone, help someone, or even just brighten their day. And what I found in my heart was a laziness to do it. A resistance to do good to others for one simple reason: selfishness. I can’t even try to get around it. I was more concerned about what i wanted and what was more comfortable for me than what would bring joy and goodness to the people around me.

With the gospel, with a God who came to earth so we could be in relationship with him and have a new heart, these glimpses into my heart lead me not to self-hatred nor to a frantic frenzy to feel good about myself again.

One with Christ, I am secure in my identity and sure of God’s love, so there is no need to despair, no need to beat up on myself. But at the same time, there is no time to waste because as a daughter of God i have the highest of callings to do right — to be holy (1 Peter 1:16), to spill love all over, to be a servant, to give of myself for the good of others. There is no time to waste and i must go running to Jesus to give me a purity and goodness i can never manage on my own.

No self-shaming, no monumental effort, no to-do list or set of goals can change my heart in the way it needs to be changed. Instead, I can bring it every single day to Jesus who is so tender with my heart yet ever so powerful to change it.

“And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” – Ezekiel 36:26

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